this is gna b a random blog....jus cos its random thoughts runnin thru my head...

been feelin pretty fed up lately...about things...abt ppl...abt a lotta things...kinda wish i cud jus vanish into thin air n avoid all these things and ppl...

its that feeling all over again of bein talked AT n not talked TO...the niggling thoughts in my head...man thes are reaaaaly bothering me today....

this bl**dy laptop doesnt help either...im sooo tempted to chuck it out the window...but then i'll b left with no laptop n a big mess to explain...so mayb not...

feel quite disappointed abt things...n upset abt others...n quite frustrated abt a few things too...

the pressure of "gettin a proper job" is really gettin to me...certain ppl dnt wana understand that finding the right kinda job is not a days work...it takes a while...wat annoys me more is that im not sure of exactly wat i wana do "profession" wise anyway...wats worse is i get told ive wasted 4 yrs on a degree wich i cant get a job with...

truthfully...i dnt care abt that..cos ive learnt a language wich has been beneficial to me in many ways...1st n foremost..the fact that im that little bit closer to understanding the Qur'an....its a nice feeling to kno that u can actually understand wat ur reading.....n hey...who wudve thought that there is a large arab community in Rome?nw if i didnt have my arabic handy there...then it mite have been a little tougher on us...the language barrier was a problem, but the arabic jus made it that little bit easier...

oh yes...im upset..why...cos of quite a few things realy...well they all go under one heading...friends....

friends come n go out of our lives..some are temporary...n others...u jus cant get rid of... (lol...the latter part was a joke).... feel like ive been neglecting my friends..n thats put a negative part on me...ive not been makin an effort....n that has resulted in friends drifting away...so far...that i feel like theres no way i can salvage things...

ive been puttin up a defensive a lot lately....tryin not to get too close...if not intentionallly pushing away people who ive considered as close friends...jus becos...i kno tht things are different nw...circumstances have changed...and are changing...once ppl get married....friendships seem to go out the window...so im jus easin it along that lil bit quiker n throwin it out the window before i get dropped in the deep end n am left drowning alone...

its a shame to be throwin years of friendships away...but i have my reasons...n actually...others have their reasons too...n some ppl are,and will be greatly missed...

i kno im jus rambling on...but thts jus cos i dnt really kno wats goin on in my head rite nw...n feel pretty lost...but inshaAllah things will be ok...

as they say...Alhamdulillah all the way....

well i wasnt really complainin anyway...was i??...as i was sayin to someone earlier...im cmplainin abt my life....but i really shudnt...cos theres so much i hav that so many others dont...n its always gud to be thankful for what Allah (swt) has given us...

so..no complaints...jus a lil bit of rambling on...

neway...before i end up coughing my lungs out...im gna go..(note to self: is coughing lungs out actually possible?)

better get sum sleep...

nite nite...

n altho its a little late....happy 2008 :)

xxxxxx