i think ppl are gna start thinkin im sum kinda psycho cos i keep havin titles like the above....lolz... cant help it....its all i seem to do..>>panic...and scream!! lolz....

well thats wat i get for faffing around so much...

well i guess i can say ive started my essay...n so far...altho a little wishy washy...i think i kno wher im goin wit it...

i think....think bein the operative word...lolz

xx

im tryin n tryin n tryin to get started on this essay for lucy tomorro...she even gave us an extended deadline (2 extra days) to get it in to her....yet im still sittin ere...starin at a blank piece of paper with a blank mind...

truthfully...i dnt even kno hw to start this essay..i mean like, its a topic that seems interestin..."arab writers in exile"...but its gota b in arabic...and i dnt kno wher to start...its like ive forgotten hw to think...

i think thats why im sittin ere....thinkin....if i avoid it..maybe it'll jus sumhow conjure up the words itself and i'll hand it in tomorro....

but thats wher im disillusioned...u cant get anywher if u dont put in the effort.....in technical terms...theres gotta b an input to hav an output....

so i guess thats wher im stuk...at the input stage... i hav the materials...jus not the patience or the capacity to sit there..read passages in arabic, translate bits i dnt understand n then make notes(in arabic) as to wat i wanna put in this essay...

as well as that...i hav to give paul my translation project...or what ive done so far...over the weekend..hav to email it to him...so he can see hw im gettin on.....the answer...even before he's seen it is... not very well... translation is tough! and to think ive got abt a mnth n half to get all this dun...

inshaAllah i will! im not sayin i wont...and i kno that wen it cmes to the crunch, i will give it 150%....if not more...cos theres no way im comin outa this degree wit a shit grade....i kno im not gna get a first....but mite as well aim high while im at it... a 2:1 i'll b happy....if not ecstatic with....lets jus see hw things go.... altho...truthfully...im nt even expectin a 2:1....

Allahu aalam...

its all in His hands...

hmmm...thinkin abt that....cmes bak 2 yesterdays lesson on fate....we ended up talkin abt it in arabic... but things like fate are quite hard to fully comprehend...to me...i think...yes my fate has been written...but in a way...i think its kinda like one of them books...with an open ending.... few different paths to tread...n different endings each time...all dependent on the choices we make, or dont make, in life...Allah gives us the options...and we gotta choose the ones we think are right....or atleast seem right...its like i was tellin Tessa yesterday...its quite confusin...cos like if u think abt it...ur choices dnt only affect u, but the ppl around u too..which means that its not only ur own fate that u affect...its like a web of intertangled (is that even a word?) fates...where everyone does things according to their wills...but at the same time..in sum weird way...they affect others and their choses...and even mayb their fates too...

hmm...head hurts...

need to think abt my essay rather than things that arent actually fully comprehensive in our cognition (wow...ive used complicated words!lol)

xxx

feelin really restless at the moment...like i wanna do sumthin....like go for a run or sumthin...lol..at 10pm...dnt think so...lolz...

at the same time..feelin kinda knackered...like been at uni...was there till abt 6ish tryin to work....ive had enuff...  ... its like ive got to a stage wher sumtimes i jus dnt kno wat to say to anyone...n im like gettin quite grrr wit ppl for no reason...gettin bored...n jus dnt wana do anythin...tempted to jus go n sleep...

think i mite do jus that...

most annoyin thing is im thinkin abt things i shudnt b thinkin abt...like nothin dodgy...lol...but its jus things i really shudnt think abt...aarrgghh...am so stupiddddd!! dnt wana think abt this...but its still buggin me....but its not easy to not think abt certain things...

neways...think am gna go n get depressed offline...

xxxx

lol am bein random wit the titles now...really cant b bothered to think em up..like who has the time to actually sit n think up a title for each n every blog....truthfully.... i get sik of it....

anyways...i didnt cme ere to blog abt titles...or the lack thereof....i came to blog abt .... well nothin really...lollll

got my linguisics courswrk dun!! *grins* .... slowly slowly am gettin there...gettin the work dun....deadlines n all.... kinda enjoyin it...i kno i said b4 that i hated all this stress...but it kinda reminds me of sumthin sum1 said to me a few weeks ago...n its soo tru...all this pressure etc...kinda gives u a buzz!! like its really tiring etc..but at the same time..its enjoyable!!

ermm....ooh...i got a lil distracted chekin mails..n got a txt msg...ooh im popular! lmao yeh rite...

oki am gna shutup nw...

xxxxxxxx

 

Hearing ur voice was the one thing I dreaded,

Once again I don’t know where im headed

I thought I’d found my way once again,

Living life without u,

Moving on with the pain,

Loving u was wat made my life so,

But things changed n I had to let u go..

So why are u bak?

N why are u hurting me?

Why are u calling?

It hurts so much cant u c..?

We talk, we joke, like things havnt changed

This cant b so..

Its been way too long

Weeks, months, maybe more…

Yet I still love u, the way I did before…

omg...the weekend was such a good one!!alhamdulillah!!

finally got to use the comp today...its been quite a while...ive gotta keep this short-ish cos i got work to b doin...

coursewrk in for tomorro...wich i havnt really exactly started.... hmmm... tutz at myself.... really shud sort my act out...

nneeewayyyss....

i didnt cme to blog abt my normal procrastination... actually came to blog abt much more...

well...friday after uni...went to stay the night in ilford...at sobi's bros! she came dwn from manchesta for the GPU (and to see us ofcourse)lol...

well...1stly went wit tacha to her place...cos she hadnt packed anythin to take wit her...and she was gna drive dwn from wembley...thot i'd give her company...she wasnt well u c... so then we went to her place...n then took a good long drive to ilford (thanx tacha for the talk btw,lol)...

so we got to ilford! n omg!!! sobi!!! was sooooo nice seein her again!! alhamdulillah things were really good wit all of us...it was like we'd never been apart...like things were jus as they were wen we were bak in egypt...jus reminiscin abt the times..jus talkin abt a lotta things...eatin n chillin.... was really nice....we were up till like 4am!!!! lol....

woke up around 10ish i think...n got ready...breakfast n that kinda thing...lol..it was kinda funny, cos sobi was like "mona cn u cme n help me plz" n i joked "see shes still actin as tho we're still livin togetha" hehe...sobi! was only teasin! am glad u still think of me as one of the family! luv u loads! n inshaAllah will cme dwn to manchesta sooooon!!

oki...so now onto the GPU... was pretty good.... there were stalls...it was kinda hectic...very packed...a lotta shovin n pushing...and i think alotta ppl(includin me) felt kinda aggro after a while...i think it was jus the thot that there wre actually sumthin like 22,000 ppl there! and that i was lugging around 3 bags! wasnt fun...n oh yeh.... i think pointy shoes n pushchairs shud b banned! lol... the amount of those that i got into my legs/ ankles... i lost count...n ooowww does it hurt!!!!!

omg...the nasheed concert was well worth it tho...n alhamdulillah.. subhanAllah...there were 10 shahaada's taken over the 2 days!! its so amazing that a unity event like that cud bring together so many ppl...and inspire others to become muslim....

oh yes..bak 2 the concert....was good stuff!! enjoyed it...ahmed bukhatir, nazeel aazmi,zain bhikha, oh they were all good!!! (even the weird arabic ones) lol...i think it was jus that feeling of unity that gave everyone a buzz...and the takbeer! jus hearin so many ppl together! mashaAllah really makes u feel the unity between the muslims!!

sunday was good too...sh.yusuf estes, yaasir qadhi, george galloway! the speeches were pretty good..inspiring, funny..informative...n this saudi sheikh spoke all in arabic!! was soooo cool!! alhamdulillah understood quite a bit of it!!! *big grin*

and....*Ahem*...saw sum1...lolz...think its *fate* lmao...yeh rite...wateva....*slaps self* stop dreamin!!!!

k think i better stop now...cos i gotta start my work n its like already 10:45

xxxxxxxxxxxx

had a nice day today..was a "reunion" of the green school girls...n we had fun...it was jus nice seein everyone again...and a break from bein home or uni....had laughs..was cool...poor subz got the pee taken outa her...n i got a lil too hyper wen we were out in the xchange in ilford...

goin to the GPU next week....got visitors comin over tomorro...so tht'll b interestin...

aarrgghh!! got my test tomorro!!! bleh

am gna go now...got sum work to get done...

xxxxx

watched kill bill 2 last night...n omg issit a wiked movie or wat???? like i didnt really understand exactly all that was goin on...cos i think u got to hav watched the 1st one...but still omg was it wiiiiiiked! i'd recommend it to anyone whos into them kickass, martial art-y type movies... altho yes it was a little bit gory....its not as gory as the clips ive seen from the 1st movie....thats got a lot more blood in it i think....

but like wooah....!! uma thurman is really good in it too! she does her role so well!!!

made myself sum coffee today....its been a while since i made myself sum....but it actually tasted quite nice...

spent a looong time out shoppin today.... went down the high street for aaages wit maz!!

we went to the body shop!! yaaay...we now hav one locally! n nadia was workin there! dint think i'd bump into her...but mashaAllah she does her job really well...she knws the right things...is very professional in her job...and very good wit her customers...mashaAllah

got the school reunion thingy tmrw!!!*omg* not sorted my clothes for it yet!!! gotta look decent cos seein ppl afta aages! oh dang....betta wake up early...wash my hair n stuff...lol...not that anyones gna c my hair...lmao....

oh well!! lol....

saw avan today...so that was cool...its weird...its gone from seein her everyday...to seein her once a week...or even once every two...jus both so busy wit uni n stuff...bleh...n shes goin grimsby soon!!!

aaarrgghh!!!! got my drivin test mondayyyyy!!!! aarrgghh!!! lolz... tony called me today...n goes "jus callin to remind u u hav ur test in 2 days...are u nervous?" lolz... errrmmm...wat dyu think???

i guess i jus gotta make duaa that inshaAllah it goes well...if not...then i jus gotta try again till i get it right...lets jus hope thats not too many times...cos its kinda expensive! (that makes me sound stingy doesnt it??....but im a student! we cant afford everything u kno!!!...tutz)

ermmmmm kinda run outa things to say now.....

ooowww...ear hurts....

lolllllllllll Nelly's "country grammar"s on....aint heard that in tiiiiiime!!!! mtv base!!!!

lolz...erm *shuts up*

am out!

peace!

lolllllll...four kings is funnnyyyyyyy! by the makers of will n grace...its jokes!...its abt 4 guys who r mates... lol...they in trubl!! got into a fight wit sum guys... over a table at a coffee shop!! kinda reminds me of friends in a way....that episode wher the boys get into a fight over the table in central perk....hmm...lol... think this ones kinda funnier tho...

hmm..me made chai...tastes different...nice tho...kinda the way sobia used to make it in egypt...

lollllllllllll this is funnyyyyyyyyyyyy...they in a lil gang in sum back road gettin ready to fight....lmao...fight published on blog!lolllzzzzzzz

neways.....me off

xxxx

my phone is reaaalllyyyyy pissin me off now...like i cant even talk on the phone long till it decides to turn off...lolz..was talkin2 safina yesterday...n it turned off...so called her bak...n swore at the phone...lolz...she goes... b a bit nicer to it n mayb it wont turn off...lmao...so i goes...okay im sorry my darling phone...n the stupid thing turned off again!! uffff! bleh!!

oh yehhhhhh....got the tickets in the post todayyyyyyyy!! yayyyyyyy guess thats all well n good..

erm i gtg

xx

finally did sumthin i shudve dun a while ago... feel kinda good abt it...but at same time...kinda didnt want to...eyes filled up wit tears...but i think i dun it for the best.....

deleted a number that is... kinda the 1st step...or even the final of letting go...

but hw can u let go of sum1 who was never urs...? isnt that hw the quote goes..?

neways...

shuts up

am off

xxx

*does a lil dance n twirls around*

got my confirmation email that my tickets are comin in the post soon! woohoo!!!

im like reaaaallyyy lookin forward to goin....the nasheed concerts gna b waaay cool! cant wait for that!!!

lolz jaydens lookin at me funny...think he wants to use the laptop....lol...yeh rite...last time he did...he was typin jargon!! me feedin him banana now...he sooooo cute!! hes lyin on the floor havin a lil giggle to himself....hmmm...weird baby...lol hes singin now...eh eh eh... oh oh oh lollllll he so cutee!!!

ermm....oh yeh...had drivin lesson this mornin...alhamdulillah it went a lot betta than mondays! i swer...i think after monday went tony told me off..i thot to myself..ive gotta pull my socks up....my tests on monday!!! aarrgghh!!!

msn's really pissin me off rite now...took like aaages to log me onto messenger...n now i cant get to my email...wat the hells goin on??? hmm....dissapointed i am...

neways.......

am off

xxxx

A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but
rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
-Hugh Downs


"When we lose our desire to dream ... we loose our desire!"

A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way
for others."
~ Author Unknown ~



Once upon a time there was a rich King who had four  wives.  He loved
the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her
to
the finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best.  He also
loved the 3rd wife very much and was always showing her off to
neighboring kingdoms.
However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another.  He
also loved his 2nd wife. She was his confident and was always kind,
considerate and patient with him. Whenever the King faced a problem,
he
could confide in her, and she would help him get through the difficult
times. The King's 1st wife was a very loyal partner and had made great
contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did
not
love the first wife. Although she loved him deeply, he hardly took
notice of her!
One day, the King fell ill and he knew his time was short. He thought
of
his luxurious life and wondered, I now have four wives with me, but
when
I die, I'll be all alone." Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I have loved
you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great
care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me
company?" "No way!", replied the 4th wife, and she walked away without
another word.  Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart.
The sad King then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you all my life.
Now
that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!",
replied
the 3rd wife. "Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to remarry!"
His heart sank and turned cold.
He then asked the! 2nd wif e, "I have always turned to you for help
and
you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and
keep
me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!", replied the
2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave."
Her answer struck him like a bolt of lightning, and the King was
devastated.
Then a voice called out: "I'll go with you.  I'll follow you no matter
where you go." The King looked up, and there was his first wife. She
was
very skinny as she suffered from malnutrition and neglect. Greatly
grieved, the King said, "I should have taken much better care of you
when I had the chance!" In truth, we all have the 4 wives in our
lives:

Our 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish
inmaking it look good, it will leave us when we die.
Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, it
will
all go to others.
Our 2nd wife is our family and friends.  No matter how much they have
been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the
grave.
And our 1st wife is our Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth,
power and pleasures of the world. However, our Soul is the only thing
that will follow us wherever we go.
Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of
us
that will follow us to the throne of God and continue with us
throughout
Eternity.

Thought for the day: Remember, when the world pushes you to
your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray.

very very tired actually...think im ill....didnt sleep well last night...n feel like crap....been gettin quite bad headaches too....shud i b worried abt it? cos its like constant headaches...? hmmm... alhamdulillah stayed in at uni and did get sum work dun...so guess day wasnt a waste...but since ive been home been feelin pretty crap...

oh well...

me got work to do...so gna go get sum of that done...

xxx

 

ps: happy birthday "willow"  xBiGHuGzx x x

 

 

My beautiful beard
Life has really changed.
Gone are the days…
Where people used to say
'Aww your face is so sweet and smooth'.

Gone are the days…
Where it took ages,
To shape my sideburns
And shave all the facial hair.

Gone are the days…
Of beauty, charm and attraction
As the beard is now,
A symbol of terrorism and backwardness.

People see me now,
As something strange and weird.
My relatives often make fun of me,
By asking … who broke your heart?

My distant friends ask me,
Did you join any terrorist camp?
My close friends at times make fun of me
'Hey man, blades are very cheap nowadays'

Women often ask me,
Why don't you shave that ugly beard
And be like a charming superstar?
You look boring!

I feel sorry for my sisters
As their minds are now totally corrupted
Inside the web of clean-shaved star icons,
As they're the new age 'trend setters'.

But very few know
That I follow a superstar.
His name is Muhammed,
The forgotten hero.

And I have no regrets
As he has taught me,
'This world is prison for a believer
And paradise for a non-believer. '

So wake up, O muslim youth !
Remember our heroes – The Prophets and the Sahabahs
Remember, this world is a testing place
And don't let your senses to deceive you.

So be proud to imitate,
The Prophetic style
For he has commanded us,
'Grow your beards and trim your moustaches'.

And he who loves his Sunnah,
Has indeed loved him.
And he who loves him,
Will be with him in Paradise !

am really pissed off...dnt get it...but my phone...the nokia 6280 (i think thats the model number) is propa messed up...like the screen goes blank...it restarts and it freezes! like wtf??? its like ive only had the bloody phone for 5mths...nt evn that...so why the hell issit messin up like that!??!? gggggrrrrrrrr....man i sound so pathetic...so materialistic...gettin annoyed over a phone..but if ur payin good money for it...i think i deserve a phone that still functions after 5 mnths!!! flippin eck!!!

anyways...

apart from that.... been feelin pretty...i dnt evn hav words for it...dnt kno hw am feeling...its like ive forgotten...cant think...lol...oh well...

ermm...unis goin okay-ish...jus lotsa work to do...

got 1st linguistics assignment bak...i swer...i had like the worst in mind...i said to amina (not bubbles amina...uni amina)..."im scared that its been ungraded"....like i kno thats the worst to think...but i really had that sense of failure..... thot i'd really effed up big time..considerin hadnt put in so much effort into the project...but alhamdulillah did quite well...!

anyways...am tired...think am gna go sleep...

xxxx

quik blog...cos am goin mad...n think i need sleep!!!

jus abt finished (finally) one article for my disso!!! yahoo!!! lolz...

watchd this docu abt middle child syndrome...lolz...that was interestin! altho dnt think it allll applies to me....but i think i see a pattern...lol...

ooh..watched a trailer of the new spiderman movie...looks interestin!!! think i'll watch it wen it cmes out...nxt yr!! lol

anyways...am off to bed...head still hurts...tut...

xxx

im literally feelin ill...my head is killin...feels like i walked into a wall or sumthin...n think ive got a fever too...been coughin quite a bit as well...thot my sore throat was goin down....oh wel..guess i was wrong...

im tired too...thot i'd try doin the early bird thing..wake up for fajr n then do sum work.... i think the logical thing is to actually go to bed early too...not that i did...was up doin work....

maybe thats wats affectin my health...? i dunno...either way...im gettin sik of doin this work...n im gettin sik of bein home...its like no1 really understands the mental pressure ur goin thru...unless ur in the same boat...or hav been there n dun that...at the same time tho...evryone has their own way of dealing wit stress...me?? lol... i cant deal wit it full stop!! which is why im feelin the pressure...big time.... i cant beleive i spend so much time studyin...yet seem to get nowher...its like aarrgghh!! wanna pull my hair out... so as u can see....i faff around n blog to get things off my mind and well...basically...avoid doin the work....

now thats not a good thing...i mean like yeh,its a good thing to take breaks...but the works not gona get dun by itself now issit???

hmmmmm

think i shud go

xxxxx

oh ps: gettin quite annoyed by prank calls!!! oh well...