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December 31 Happy Crappy New Year....this time last yr...was in India...this yr...im stuk at home alone...its a crappy feelin...i dont really care for new yrs celebrations blah blah...its jus the fact that its eid too...n not havin family around...sis is wit hubby...mum n dad in saudi...n me here...im not sayin i hvnt had a good day...cos its been nice...spendin it wit cousins n stuff...jus really didnt, n still dnt feel like socialisin today..why...im not so sure...jus havin one of them low days i guess...lolz..wat am i gna do wen i get married...i'll probs run home every 2days cos i miss family too much...hubby wud get sik of it...lolz...
wat am i on abt...i aint even married yet...thinkin of that kinda thing...lolz...stupid me... oh well...thats wat happens wen u got too much time on ya hands...not that i do...am jus takin a quik break frm work..cos heads hurtin...its bloody cold...n considerin ive been up since like 8...wen i didnt hav 2 b...i feel tired...oh well..*yay* i get to sleep in a little tomorro..doesnt mean am not gna work...but maybe get to it a little later...
anyways....better go
xxx
oh...forgot to say....happy new year y'all...jus cos im feelin shitty doesnt mean i wish that on u lot...hav a wonderful new yr...n hope it brings u the best in evrythin!! xx December 30 eid...?its confusing to think that half the world...or evn more..were celebratin eid today...n that we'll b celebratin eid tmrw...im not sayin anythin abt who's wrong n who's right....cos i really dont kno...and im not one to make any kinda judgement... i jus hope all those who celebrated today had a good one...n all those celebratin tomorro will have a good one...
ooh..i think its sum1s b'day tday...but cant remembr...wether its today or tomorro...feel so stupid...duh @ me... bleh....
omg ive been goin mad today...been tryin to make a few calls since mornin...the amount of times ive tried callin shabbu khala in india...its driven me slowly up the wall.... but i understand why her phones always outa range or engaged now...little danyaal....hes always got the phone!! ive not seen the kid...but he seems like a complete handful from wat ive heard!!!! aarrggh!!!
so..yeh...spoke to khala today...it was nice...cos i dnt get to spk2 her much...its cool...cos shes more a friend...less an aunt...lolz..
worked myself into a panic tryin to call mum....untill like abt an hr ago....i cudnt get thru to her phone...so it worried me...alot...n all these calls from evryone askin me hw my parents are....all i cud say is... yeh theyre fine...i last spoke to em on thurday!! argh!!!
feel kinda depressed...i sit ere all day...tryin to work...n alhamdulillah todays been kinda productive...why...im not sure...but its all good..i sorta feel like im gettin sumwher...hmm...inshaAllah by monday evenin...hope to hav the translation done...and commentary atleast half done...inshaAllah...its depressin to think ive only got....omg...12 days!!!
 ....come to think of it...less than that!! cos Paul wants to see a final copy by the 8th!!! oh shite!!!!i betta get bak 2 work..
xxxxxxxxx December 29 dont call me weird...... but i was jus sniffin my sleeve...why u may ask??? well thats cos it smells sooooo lushhhhhh!!!
lolz... i love Lacoste's "touch of sun" its like...lolz..i think i shud shutup...if u kno me well enuff..u kno my perfume collection...but i need more!!! i think im gna add this one to it....and a few more...ooh..i think sum1 told me versace or was it valentino....sumthin abt diamonds....ooh...that smelt pretty too... hmmmm...n miracle magic....arrghh!! i shud work in a perfume shop!!!
ooh...lolz...i jus rememberd...lolz...avan's scarf attacked me today!! eyes kinda still hurtin...lolz..she obviously dint do it on purpose...but she went to swing the scarf behind her...n i was coincidentally standin jus there...n the scarf attacked my left eye!! lolz.. but hey...wats a little pain huh..? the amount of times ive accidentally attacked her...lolz...
anyways..tireddd
xxxxx headache....omg am i tiredddddd!!! aarrgghh.... i swer...christmas sales...are...eeeeevvvvvilll.....i repeat E.V.I.L!!!!!
oxford street...was...aarrgghh!! its jus as bad as all them markets in the evenin in Egypt...like mansheyya...ibrahimmiya...omggg..!!!
 woah...n all that jus for a coupla things... i think i drove avan mad....lolz...sorry av!! but think we had quite a good time at the same time..lolz...
my head hurts...so im gna go...
jus wanna say a very happy eid mubarak to all those who are celebratin tomorro (thats includin mummy n daddy).... n to all those who are celebratin on sunday...early eid mubarak to u! (thats includin me..lol)
xxxx
ooh....forgot to mention! yay! my phones bein piked up tmrw to b fixed again!! inshaAllah wont happen again!! grrr slowly slow.......im gettin there...im gettin there....tryin to work...but got so many otha things to do...gotta think abt wats gotta b made for lunch...gotta call india...gotta call qatar....wash dishes...clean kitchen *omg* i gotta clean the cooker!!! aargghh!!
hav 2 keep in mind that bhais fussy abt food....maaan...nw i kno wat mum goes thru....eugh...its not fun!
betta go get that cleanin dun before i frget...
xxx December 28 aargghhhim boreddddd!! n i cant concentrate on workkkkkk!! **concentrate concentrate concentrate** .... oh crap... this doesnt help..!!
 really thot that these 3 weeks of holidays wud help...errrmmm....nearly the end of week 2 n ive gotten....nowher....well...just abt nowher...!!!
gotta pull up my socks!! but its like the motivation isnt there anymore... crap crap crap... wat do i do...wat do i do....
n oh yeh...theres this one word...that im COMPLETELY stuk on!! like its not even in the dictionary!!!
now wat do i do?? its مستدمج like i looked at the root n stuff...but its jus not there!!!i feel depressed...gna go central london wit av tmrw..bit of retail therapy i think (which means chocolate n pens...lolz...)...ooh...mayb i'll hav a look for them sleeve thingys in topshop...hmmm...
xxx
Ps: oh yeh....jus thot i'd add...my phones messed up again...stupid kutta thing...i dnt get it...its like the things got sumthin against me!!!
 not fairrrrrrrrr its like jus wen i neeeeed my phone...it does this to me..uff!!xxx December 27 a lil sumthin i wrote...lol dnt kno if i'd call this a poem... but its jus sumthin that was goin thru my head yesterday...lolz..
a brokn heart.shattrd in2a million pieces.nevr2b whole again.
dreams dreamt wit eyes wide open.burst like clouds on rainy days in may.
n dreams dreamt wit eyes closed.nevr2b dreamt again.
tears fall frm these eyes.n merge wit the rain.
dnt wana close these eyes.or dream again.
d pain.d scars.d hurt.a feelin tht dsnt go away.
yet i blame no1 else but me.who else to blame?
put u on a pedestal.so high,i cant bring u dwn.
so high..feet above the ground.
its not ur fault.no1s but mine.
fallen too hard.cant get up this time.
lol before anyone says anythin...no its not abt anyone in particular...was jus a lil sumthin goin thru my head....am i not allowed to think???
bak 2 dissertation...stop faffing around!!!
tutz
xxxxx December 26 woaah...my head hurts...n i dnt kno why.... i had one icky cup of coffee today....eugh...neva again!!...
n i finished my coffee icecream yesterday!!
 oh well...spoke to mum again today..they're well alhamdulillah...she told me off for not callin india...n i kno i shud...cos i kno hw mutta mummy gets worried abt us...woaah....i remember wen i was goin egypt!! yeh...methinks i'll giv em a call tmrw....
this is weird...its not jus a pain in my head...im feelin it on my nose too...like dwn one side of it.... huhhh???
oh crap...i missd kasamh se n saloni again...dang...mums gna cme bak askin me wat happend...lolz...like im gna kno!!
oh....lolz..one otha thing....lolll...is shaista cute or wat?? lolz...(she hates that i call her cute...but she is!! hehe...)..her n her comments....i think this has becme her daily read!! oi poyri...go n read sumthin more educational!!...lolz....
woaah...this headaches becomin a neck ache too...n oddly enuff..the head pains feelin like the type u get wen uve cried too much...or is that only me??? hmmm.... kya karu kya karu....gna go tke coupla paracetamol i think...
after havin chai...
got this song stuk in my headddd!!
 mama told meee...dont be talkin to a strangaaa...dont be talkin to a strangaaa...stranga is dangaaaa...ek ajnabeee churake dilko legya... lolz...*shutup*gta make bhai hot choc
am off
xxxxxxxx am i gettin ill...?been feelin quite rough the last coupla days...n its got to a point wher im not concentratin on work...n slept in till late-ish...not that late..cos i dnt wana get into the habit of wakin up late wen i gotta b up early again from tmrw...
yesterday was funny...av came over...n we got hungry...dint wana eat anythin from hme...chiken n chips...lolz..so we went lookin for a place...hopin it wud b open...no luck dwn the high street...so came home...aargh..its so annoyin wen uve got that cravin...n not findin sumwher wher u can eat....so then asked bhai....he goes...try indiano pizza....eugh...not pizza again...but we went anyway....n got chiken wraps...
its crazy wat u do for food...lolz...walked aalll the way dwn to indiano's to get the food...oh well...i didnt hav to cook!!
but then i did cook in the evenin...made quite a nice pasta bake if i do say so myself... wasnt too spicy or anythin...so alhamdulillah...
think i mite make sum curry tmrw....inshaAllah...lets jus wait n c... bhai's quite fussy abt food..knwin my luck...he'll jus want a sandwich!!...well...i cud make chiken sandwiches...or sumthin!!!
hmm.. lets wait n c...
am bak on a roll...(kinda) wit the dissertation....nearly done!! (i think)...the translation that is.... jus gotta get dwn to the readin n commentary inshaAllah!!!
best of luck to meeeeee
lolz
xxxxx December 25 grrrrjus logged onto this thing to find comments from a little madam...lolz... shes too cute... n cheeky!! *ahem* lolz... bless ya gurl...!!
anyways...this is no laughing matter
... ive got sum kinda permanent mental block n its reaaaalllyyy pissin me offf!!! ive been tryin n tryin n tryinnnnnnnnnn to do this work...but am not gettin anywher...ive got flippin less than 2 weeks to get it done...yet im still not bloody gettin anywher...
think am gna go try doin sum readin for it...
hmmm
xxxx December 24 I Believe...a little sumthin i was sent in an email today....really makes u realise sum things...
I believe I believe that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. I believe that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I believe that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. I believe that you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life. I believe that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. I believe that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I believe that you can keep going, long after you can't. I believe that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I believe that either you control your attitude or it controls you. I believe that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place. I believe that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I believe that money is a lousy way of keeping score. I believe that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. I believe that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up. I believe that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I believe that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. I believe that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. I believe that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I believe that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I believe that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I believe that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do. I believe that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. I believe that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I believe that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. I believe that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you you will find the strength to help. I believe that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. I believe that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon. And I believe in true friendship, for I believe in my friends. hmmmmmzzzzzzjus spoke to mum on phone a while ago.. its weird....cos i miss em...but at the same time i dont...its not like im doin anythin i shudnt b...its kinda like bein bak in egypt...minus the meditteranean sea...n sheesha cafes along the corniche...lolz... n the sayed darwish theatre..n grand cafre...n coffee roastery...ok ok shutup...its not the same...we've established that...in a way...its kinda the otha way round...cos theyre the ones in the arab country...enjoyin themselves...n here i am stuk in this cold country...not that egypt wasnt cold....cos it was!! but u kno wat i mean...mum was tellin me abt the shoppin n stuff she been doin...n also abt hw amazin the feeling is being there....the buzz of everyone bein ther...n i really wish i was there too...jus her tellin me abt hw packed the masjid gets...n hw its so nice bein there...*sigh* inshaAllah im gna go soon.... well... i hope so...
ooh...thats anotha thing...this yr...eids gna b weird...cos everyones sayin its on 30th....but our masjids sayin its on sunday...now i kno hw it feels bein stuk in this whole eid predicament....cos like everyones following saudi...well i think the majority are...but our masjid this yr has decided to do it different...this is because... after yrs of research...an islamic institute has realised that saudi actually doesnt do things according to the sighting of the moon...they actually, beforehand, plan out their calendars, without actually doin things according to sighting of the moon etc....so i think our masjids decided to do things the "right" way...according to actual sighting of the moon...its js things like this worry me...n i dnt kno whether its a petty worry or not..wich worries me even more...cos like...if this stuff abt the saudis actually not goin according to proper sighting of the moon, then does that mean things like the days of Hajj etc arent actually the days that theyre supposed to b???
ooh me gna stop confusin myself...n gna go get sum work dun...
xxxxxxxxxxxx December 23 am i thinkin too much..?jus dicussin this wit sum1 at the moment....n truthfully...it is sumthin that bugs me...
like, if u kno sum1....n if u like that sum1....like, like more than a friend..shud u tell em???...
i kno the typical thing to say is...u wont kno till uve asked or spoken to the person...blah blah...but at the same time...wat if u dnt wana talk abt it...like, cos u think it mite mess up things the way they are wit that person...kinda like, afraid to kno the ansa...but at the same time...also feelin like u kno that they dnt like u more than friend anyway....???
but then again...hw can u b so sure that they dont like u the way u like them???
hmmm...confusin init...?
but like, wat DO u do...??
maybe it is best to speak 2em abt it...but then again...wat if things do get messed up..??....but then...u'd think ur friendship wit that persons gna b strong enuff to get thru such things....rite???
hmmmmm
gna stop thinkin now..
head hurts..
really!
xxx December 22 ...empty...im tryin to think of ways to make it seem like theres more than 2 ppl in the house...it feels sooo weird bein ere alone...its like bein bak in egypt in sum weird way...n really dnt feel like doin anythin...put the tv on n stuff...n jus tryin to busy myself...
omg!! this mornin!! we were supposed to wake up at 5 to get ready for 6 n leave for the airport... me n av dint wake up to our alarms...n neitha did maz....she doesnt even kno if her alarm went off!! n we only woke up by the doorbell at 5:45!!! we rushed n got ready...omg was it crazyyyyy!!!
n flippin heck issit cold or wat???? n the fog??? wooooaahhh!!! hope this weather doesnt continue for much longer...
babysitting is goin okay alhamdulillah....socrates doesnt tlk much...n omg is that kid fussy abt things or wat!!?? "i dnt like this" or "i dnt like that"...he didnt even eat the food his mum gave for him!!!!
maz shud b gettin to Qatar soon inshaAllah....hope shes been okay...we all been pretty knackered considerin we were up till so late..!!...
omggg was i buzzin or wattt at the airport!!! coffees neva had such an effect on meeee!!!....well it was a tchai latte....n i think sleep deprivation contributed too.....i was like doin impressions of brother Ali from ummah films in his video wher he goes "is it helal?" lolz...n all the otha lil things he was doin n sayin in that episode... i think its cos we were talkin abt maz's food choices...n cos wen i went egypt they said that BA cater for muslims frm Lndon to Egypt wit halaal meals...so hmm...lol..
think am gna end this ere cos im tireddd..n feel kinda sik...
xxxxx
ooh...b4 i 4get.... jus wana mention that i spoke to sum1 afta ages...n it was really sweet of em to call...it made me realise hw much i'd missed em...n thats loaaads...its jus been busy...i think...on both sides...work n studies...n truthfully...i kno hw ive been feelin...so am sure 12hr shifts at work are probs a lot more tiring!...so i kno i shudnt feel like "argh theyve forgoten me"...cos...truthfully...evn if they hav...i dnt think i'd forget them...altho i kno ive been quite bad in keepin in touch myself...tutz at me...
newayssssss shud really shutup
xxxxxxxxxxx December 21 note to self:boredom can b a very dangerous thing...
x- i shudnt b bored tho!!! im supposed to b workin on translation project....
o- n hws it goin?
x- ermmm
o- not too well actually
x- n whys that??
o- because....ermm...i dunno...
x- n why dont u kno???
o- well...because...u kno wat its like....
x- no...i dont! r u gna tell me....???
o- u kno....too many things on tv...short attention span...
x- thats not a very good excuse is it???
yeeeessss...*look around....coughs...ahem*....am not crazy....
really...
im not!!
~HiDeS~
xx An Unwise Investment...?Hard workers...Don't miss this... Read It Completely..... An unwise investment!!!............. A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door. SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?" DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?" replied the man. SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?" DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily. SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?" DAD:"If you must know, I make Rs.100 an hour." "Oh," the little boy replied, with his head down. Looking up, he said, "Daddy, may I please borrow Rs.50?" The father was furious, "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior." The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money? After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs.50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you asleep, son?" He asked. "No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy. "I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier,"said the man. "It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the Rs.50 you asked for." The little boy sat straight up, smiling. "Oh, thank you daddy!" He yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father. "Why do you want more money if you already have some?" the father grumbled. "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied. "Daddy, I have Rs.100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you." Lesson to learn from Heart Touching Story: But even better, share Rs.100 worth of time with someone you love. It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family. Never take some one for granted,Hold every person Close to your Heart because you might wake up one day and realise that you have lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones." weird...the house is oddly quiet... it feels empty without mum n dad around...no early morning Qtv n wateva else...its only been a day yet its already feeling weird....i thot it'd b okay...cos ive done this before...ive been away frm hme for a yr! so why am i feelin like this...guess cos in egypt it wasnt the same...there...there wasnt anythin that reminded me of family....here..im at home...things all around remindin me of mum...its like i went into mum n dads room last night...n it jus felt so weird...the smell of dads attar still lingering...jus made me cry...
tryn to stay focused on dissertation...its not goin so well...and am babysittin at the moment...like hw the hell dyu get thru to a kid who hardly spks...its like i ask him if hes okay...if he wants anythin...no bloody answer...u'd think..hes 6!! maz thinks hes got sum kinda speech deficiency..
i wudnt go as far as that... but yes...this kid has serious social skill problems....!! arggh!!n its bloody cold!!
dammit i gotta go put the clothes out in the garden!!
xxxx December 19 Hajj...*sigh*...the time has come wen im suddenly feeling overwhelmd wit emotion...its a strange feeling...but i kno why...cos mum n da are goin for Hajj tmorro...
ppl hav been comin over to meet em before they go...n jus a lotta busy-ness goin on in the house...its kinda hectic...kinda crazy...n for me...well its an emotional test...
at this current moment..im not lettin things bother me...n truthfully...i dnt really want to think abt anythin else...but the fact that my parents are embarking on a journey i wish i could be on too...
i think abt tomorro...n think of the journey to Makkah n Medinah....i think of all the ppl...all the muslims...all together for on purpose...no kind of discrimination...all equal in the path of Allah...n that feeling of unity....the oneness of the ummah...the hearing of the adhaan....the flocks...no, herds of ppl rushing for salaah...trying to get spaces in the masjid...the buzz of it all..altho it seems crazy n scary...n everythin else...not knowin if ones gona cme bak alive even,jus that thot that so many ppl are killed in the path of Allah...to die on holy land....to step foot wher our Prophet (pbuh) did...to go on the same journey as he did so many yrs ago....
...its jus sumthin i really wanna do...i pray to Allah (swt) with my heart...i call to Him...but i kno... in the depths of my heart....this yr isnt the time for me to go for Hajj....altho i kno i would love to...
i have so much more to grow...so much more to learn...so much more to do in terms of my deen (faith)...n i kno that if i went this yr...although i would (inshaAllah) hav completed the Hajj....i dont think it would have been with the right amount of sincerety or imaan...thats a confession...
so i guess till nxt yr...or even later...i'll b callin out to Him "labbaik Allahumma labbaik"....wishing n prayin that i cud go... n inshaAllah, one day, my dua'a will be answered....
u kno..theres that hadith (i think) that says Allah (swt) answers our prayers in different ways....for some, He will answer at speed...others, will b answered...but may take a while...or b in the form of sumthin else...n others, will b answered in the Hereafter... so... selfishly sounding as this may b...i do hope my dua'a is answered in this life inshaAllah....n i do hope to go for Hajj soon... never kno...mayb this time nxt yr..wit a hubby...lolz...inshaAllah...inshaAllah...lets jus wait n seee...
neways...betta go....neva kno who else is gna turn up soon
xxxxxxxxx
December 18 tchai latteim cravin a tchai latte from cafe nerooooooo!!!
Tessiiiiiiiii am gna kill u for makin me try one!!! lolz...im cravin one nw...lolz...!!
ive had a cuppa chai tho...(thats indian chai)....n im still cravin it!!!
eeeeekkkkkkk!!!!!!
watchin kasamh se at the moment...thats on zee tv for those who dnt kno.... its gettin interestin....but it dragssssssss like anythin!!! bleh!!!
mum n dad goin in less than 2 days!!! n maz goin afta that!!
watched pirates of the caribbean again the other day!! i love that film!!! cant get sik of it!! love orlando bloom n johnny depp!!! *faints*
hehehe... "savvy"
neways...head hurts..
xxxxxx December 15 annoyed....tired...n i dnt kno wat...feel completely knackered today...guess its cos its the end of semester...
am hungry....thats weird...cos jus ate a while ago...its so weird...cos i was tellin sum1 hw ive hardly been eatin lately cos been so busy wit uni n stuff..i guess nw that thats all ova...my stomachs feelin deprived of food...lmao...thats a joke...oh well...wateva...
thers sum realy shit film my dads watchin at the moment....on zee cinema...it jus looks crap
omgggggggg Lucy (our grade 7 arabic teacher) told us she mite not b able to teach us nxt semester!!
thats jus like the crappiest thing ive heard!! cos like mashaAllah shes such an amazin teacher!! always introducin us to new topics n ideas with such enthusiasm n stuff...shes like one of the best teachers we'v eva had...n im not the only one who thinks that...!! its jus not fair...cos if we dnt hav her...then arabics gna b dry n boring!! am feelin quite annoyed right now... sum1 sittin ere is annoyin me...the fact that they think the bloody sockets workin is annoyin me...n the bloody fact that the stupid xtension lead dad made is completely crap doesnt help either.....ah feck it man....
am feelin a lil bit happy i guess....cos its the end of the semester...got no more courswrk to worry abt except translation project....yayyy!!!....
ermmmm im lost...cnt think
xxxxxxx
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