wow...never realised hw much i'd missed smokin sheesha till today....mmm i can still smell the double apple on my fingers...love the smell... n altho i dnt smoke much... i do love the stuff...

been up n dwn on the emotion rollercoaster today.... lolz...n omg has it been a day or wat.... went to madame tussauds today.... wasnt as fun as it was wen i was a kid....that cud b cos i dnt care for the celeb thing anymore....but then again i kinda went ga-ga over the models of captain jack sparrow n orlando bloom...there was a special pirates of the caribbean display! omg!!! *faints* lolz....me not like a big fan of johnny depp or anythin....but i jus LOVE him as Captain Jack Sparrow in P.O.C..... its the character....hes jus so....ditzy....funny...n cute! lol!....

well...umm apart from that..... oh yeh...cuzn was s'posed to cme tomoro...but she cant make it...n got drivin lessn tmrw...yay...lets jus hpe im feelin 100% ...

methinks thats it for nw...

me out

nite

xxxx

wow, i seem to makin this a daily habit....lolz...but kinda glad i got this...that way i can babble on abt wateva i want...not really fussed abt ppl readin or not readin it....cos this is...primarily...for ME .....not anyone else....mainly me....yes yes i kno....sounds selfish...but i dnt really care...im gna b selfish so nerrrrrrrr

neways...days been pretty laid bak....not really done much....spent the mornin cleanin stuff in the kitchen...spent the afternoon cleanin my room...finally it actually looks half decent...bet by tmrw or day afta its gna b a state again...lol....and then spent the evenin makin these chicken cheese thingys to pack in the freezer ready for ramadaan wen it cmes!

omg cant believe ramadaan is comin soon! its like aaarrggh!! yaayyy!! cant wait!! its like the one thing im lookin forward to....partly cos i TOTALLY missed bein around family last year wen i was in egypt....and kinda felt like it wasnt spent in the right way....so hopin that inshaAllah this year will be a lot better! cant wait!! its like, if anythin...i look forward more to ramadaan than Eid....i mean like Eid in itself is like a joyous occasion n stuff...but truthfully....its ramadaan that jus does it for me....the wakin up on cold mornings...lolz...dad singin sum random nasheed to wake us up....the buzz n excitement....i dnt kno wat it is...but like in sum way feel like ramadaan is the time wen everyones spirits are lifted...its jus like theres sumthin abt it... subhanAllah theres so many blessings in the month of ramadaan too...n like we jus dnt reap all the benefits from it...i mean like i'll admit, evn i havnt...but theres no better time than now to change...so inshaAllah lets hope this year is more beneficial!

methinks me will end ere...a lil tired....plus khala's comin tmrw yayyyyyyyy!! *big grin*

xxxxxxxxx

u kno hw sumtimes u jus end up sayin sumthin stupid wen u dint mean to??.... arggghhh,man am i annoyed wit myself... been in a very odd mood last few days n seem to b takin it out on othas....aarrgghh jus wanna go bash head against a wall....think that mite help sumhow...even if it is jus causin myself sum pain to temporarily forget the stupidity....but like duuuuuh why am i bein so bleh wit ppl...i jus dnt get it...like feels like ive lost all conversational skills.... like wen it cmes to talkin... words jus dnt wana cme out my mouth.... instead of verbal diaorrhea its the opposite....sum form of verbal constipation....lolz...excuse the analogies...its the only way i cud explain...

its like hw i said to sum1 that it felt like ages since i'd spoken to them...but wen it came to talkin 2 em today..... i jus cudnt think!!!

anyway....think this is wher i finish...

xx

its funny how this always happens.... like think abt the last time u got close to someone...like a good friend n then sumthin happens...a wiked twist of fate....n *ppff* they disappear...well not so drastically....but hey...its possible....

like i dnt really wanna go in2 detail abt who wat n wher...so lets jus end that there.... but i kno wat im on abt n i kno hw im feeling....its not a nice feeling...it really isnt....but at the same time...im sure its not easy for them either.... so hey...i shudnt cmplain shud i....

thats life eh? u neva kno wher its gna go....its like everyday has a new surprise, u neva kno wats gna happen...one min sumthin or sum1s there...the next, they mite not b....its all out of control...cos its all in the hands of Allah...n im sure watever it is that He has in store for me inshaAllah will b oki...ive jus gotta keep my hopes up.... its so tru wen ppl say that u only turn to God n times of need, but then again thats not always the case eitha... like wen sumthin good has happend...a lotta ppl disregard it....they wont thank Him, but when sumthin bad happens...sum ppl will turn to Him, n ask for help....others...jus turn their backs on Him then too..... they blame him for things...n dnt think abt wat they do or say.... everything, good or bad, come from Allah, n no matter wat the situation, we always gotta b thankful....at times of happiness, we shud thank Him, and in times of need, we shud turn to him, pray, n hope that He will listen....n jus cos ur prayers arent answered instantly, doesnt mean that He's not listening...theres always sum kinda divine reasoning to why He does wat he does...n we shudnt question it...cos im sure watever it is....is for the best....

anyways...think ive gone a lil off tangent...but kinda glad i blogged...

feelin a lil better actually *smiles*

ooh...jus rememberd...i kno this is evn more off tangent....but watched Kabhi alvida na kehna today...was an okay movie...dragged a little...but the comedy was good...music was cool....SRK was kinda annoyin....storyline was oki too...but not really wat i expected....there was sooo much hype on the movie before it came out....dnt think it really lived up to the status it was given before release...and im sure mosta the reviews i heard abt this movie were pretty negative....on the plus side..gotta say both the Bachchans looked good...father and son! hehe...and "chandigarh" (SRK's mum in the movie...cant rmember her name) was wiked too....shes well cute! lol...

newaysssssss...... me out 4 now....

*disappears*

xx

 

"Aasmaan ke taaron ko gina nahi jaata,

har ek armaano ko mitaya nahi jaata.

Dost toh bahut bante hai magar,

har ek dost ko aapki tarha dil mein basaaya nahi jaata"

 

"Yuhi apni dosti mein gehrai rahe,

chahe kyun na umar bhar judai rahe,

ek hi arzoo dil mein samai rahe,

sajey aap ki mehfil, bhale yahaan tanhai rahe...."

 

"Reh reh kar teri yaad sataaye toh kya karu...

Dil se agar tera khayal na jaaye toh kya karu...

Socha tha mulaqaat hogi sapne mein...

Agar neend hi na aaye toh kya karu....!"

 

"Chaho toh dil se humko mita dena,

Chaho toh humesha ke liye bhula dena,

Par itna vaada karo,

Jab yaad aye meri toh,

Thora sa muskura dena"

 

"Dillagi doston ke naam hoti hai,

Dildaari doston ki shaan hoti hai,

Kahi bhi raho par rahoge dil mein mere,

Yahi sachche dost ke pehchaan hoti hai..."

 

"Waqt noor ko benoor kar deta hai,

thore se zakhm ko nasur kar deta hai.

Kaun chahta hai apno se door rehna,

par waqt sab ko majboor kar deta hai"

 

"Vishwaas banke log zindagi mein aate hai,

khwab banke aankhon me sama jaate hai.

Pehle toh yeh yakin dilate hai ki woh humare hai,

fir na jaane kyun tanha chhor jaate hai...."

 

"Kashish honi chahiye kisi ko yaad karne ki,

lamhe apne aap mil jaate hai,

chahat honi chahiye kisi se baat karne ki,

bahaane apne aap hi mil jaate hai.."

 

"Chupke se chaand ki roshni aap ki ho jaaye,

dheere se hawa aap ko kuch keh jaaye,

dil se jinhe chahte ho unhe mang lo khuda se,

hum duaa karenge aap ka pyaar aap ko mil jaaye"

 

as cute as kids go...omg i met the cuuuuuuutest kid today!!!!!!! n me his "aunty" lolz....his names "bob"...lolz.... hes like the cutest thing i eva seen!! lol i make it seem like its sum kinda baby....but hes actually 7yrs old...its jus that look off innocence wit a little cheekiness, the goofy teeth from all the milk ones fallin out....aaaww!...kinda wat i see in my own kiddy pics....but ofcourse....i was an angel...lolz.....

neways...umm yeh thats all i really wanted to say!

random as random gets...lolz

xx

 

"The word 'shams' (sun) is feminine, and 'qamar' (moon) is masculine. The sun burns itself out to give light and life to everything around, and the moon is muneer, meaning it reflects the light. Within itself it has no light; it radiates the brilliance of the sun. So when we shine as men, the implication is that we are reflecting the glorious light of our women. May Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'aala be pleased with them" - Shaykh Abdullah Adhami

 

"Whoever does not thank people, does not thank Allah" -Prophet Muhammad (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) [at-Tirmidhi, Hadith 897] (note to all those who tell me not to thank them! haa!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

am so silly....was supposed to hav mentioned this...but like recently really bin missin egypt...oh bleh allow this man....cant b bothereddd!!!!!!!

actually i dnt kno if it really is that im missin egypt..me not really sure...jus think everythings gettin to me....av,thanx for yesterday....we did tlk things thru and u made so much sense! (thank God for best mates)....but at the same time me still feelin bleh....like things still aint sorted...the situations still the same...plus wit this whole u goin bak thing...me dnt like the idea...i kno u dnt like it eitha...but like aarrgghhh! wat me gna do witout my best m8! (yes yes i kno, am selfish...)

neway thats all i realy wanted to say...

mayb b bak later...

xxxxx

they sooooooooooo lied! isnt chocolate supposed to "release a happy hormone"??? yeh rite!!!

jus had sum choclate n feel just as bleh as i did a while ago...kinda feels like things jus dnt wana go rite for me.....wat am i sayin? i cant complain...like alhamdulillah i hav a roof over my head....a family....n i guess a lotta luxuries ppl less fortunate dnt hav....so guess i shudnt cmplain....but im in a complainin mood...so i will...lol...nah actually...think this realisation has jus given me a good slap on the face n made me realise...

*smile....* thats wat i gotta do...dnt make it seem like u got the world on ur shoulders.... well i dnt...lol...i aint got the upper body strength....lolz..ok ok bad joke...but u kno wat i mean....think as me n av were sayin 2day....think jus need to get away or smthin....(yeh rite like thats possible!).....if i cud i wud get away....oh well...theres uni to look forward to huh..yaaay....

random as random gets....actually...talkin abt random....i shud really learn to shutup....or not say stupid things wen i dnt kno wat to say....did that yesterday n omg was that a stupid thing to hav dun....think i kinda peed the person off.... sowiiiii!....but dint kno wat to say.....wat DO u say wen sum1 says they gna miss ya voice??? i jus kinda went "oookay" duuuuuuuuuuuuh stupid gurl! NOT wat to hav said! i mean like i shudve said sumthin nice bak...but me no good wit that kinda thing...but i hope they kno am gna miss em too....tutz...  miss em already actually...kinda feels like we drifted...but that was my fault n my fault cmpletely.....big duuuuuh @ me.... but then again..had my reasons (if n wen u read this im soooo sowi for wat i did!! but i did explain why!!!

annnnyways....think im gna end this randomness....

xxxxxxxx

..reaaal baad...its like wen u kno u got a computer at hand...u find a million n one reasons to go online even if u dnt really need to be.... n thats wats goin on rite now...i cud b doin so many otha things...so much more useful stuff....but nope...im stuk infront of this computer screen....its like that moth/bug thing in a bugs life....wher he goes "but its so beautiful" n goes toward that bug zapper thing...its like got this magnetism to it...u dnt realise but ur bein drawn in....n jus cant let go..... yikes...its scary.... think i need to put sum kinda limit on myself...but at the same time...i kno that i SHUD b workin on my dissertation thingy... (another excuse to get online! aarrgghh!!)

oh well...

me betta go

nite nite

xxx

24 Things to Always Remember. . .
...and One Thing to Never Forget

Your presence is a present to the world.
You're unique and one of a kind.
Your life can be what you want it to be.
Take the days just one at a time.

Count your blessings, not your troubles.
You'll make it through whatever comes along.
Within you are so many answers.
Understand, have courage, be strong.

Don't put limits on yourself.
So many dreams are waiting to be realized.
Decisions are too important to leave to chance.
Reach for your peak, your goal, and your prize.

Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.
The longer one carries a problem, the heavier it gets.
Don't take things too seriously.
Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.

Remember that a little love goes a long way.
Remember that a lot . . . goes forever.
Remember that friendship is a wise investment.
Life's treasures are people . . . together.

 

Realize that it's never too late.
Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.
Have health and hope and happiness.
Take the time to wish upon a star.

And don't ever forget . . .
For even a day . . .
How very special you are.

aaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhh  i wanna screaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmm!!!

ive jus turned my WHOLE bedroom upside down tryna find sumthin and its drivin me nutssssssssss!!!! am sooooo careless i think i need one tight slap right now to make me realise i NEED to be more RESPONSIBLE!!! especially wen it cmes to important documents!!!!!

there i was earlier on sittin in front of the tv, notebook in hand thinkin of ways i cud improve this thing.... my site... had sooo many ideas...like im bothered to actually get it started now...spent the last hour faffing around tryin to find that thing!!! ufffff @myself!!! bleh!

annnyyyways..... i end here

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr hmph!

xxx

lolz....FINALLY im 21!!! woohoo!! (well...technically...am 21 n 2 days....lolz...no am not gona keep a count of how many days...i jus thot i'd add that today....oh shut up me....)

anyway... 21st b'day was.... wiked!!! it was sooooooo sweet! i mean like i had an inkling that maz n avan had sumthin up their sleeves...but i wasnt sure exactly wat..... n it turned out to b a surprise party at avans! had such a nice time n it was soooo nice seein everyone...really appreciated that u lot made the effort to cme....(thats sana, uzma, khatty, fi, palak, safina....hav i forgottn any1?? hope not!!)

but yeh...it was pleasant...alhamdulillah the weather held up.... stopped raining...n we jus chilled out outside in the garden...n ate! loads! maz made sum wiked guacamole and salsa stuff...n mmm tandoori chicken.... pakoras, cakes, chicken muffins.... mmmmm....lets stop talkin abt food...me hungry..i shud actually b goin for lunch...

but i jus wana say thank u 2 everyone who came.....n thanku for the presents!

best thing had to b the scrapbook maz n avan made... had photos of me from wen i was a kid!!  n sum of em it was like as if i'd neva seen em before....but it was well nice....n very much appreciated....love u guys loooooooads!! mmwwaaahhhhzzzzzzzzz

n oh yeh...i got my laptop bak AND i got wireless internet on it!! woohooooo!!!!

okie am out

xxxxxxxxxx

oki...in response to the comment on my last blog... wanna say am sowi.... guess there was a lil bitov misunderstandings in my understanding of wat u'd actually said....

it was more that u were angry and hated the fact that i wasnt there...oki...my bad..... sowiiiiiiiiii!

nw i gotta run...othawise im dead! n u kno why! lolz....n NO, im NOT lazyyyyyyyy!!!grrrrrrrr :-P

xx

ooh...btw....*jumps up n dwn* my b'day soon!!! lolz... wooppee(!)

 

theres so much i wanna say n such little time, space, n vocabulary in my brainium to actually express hw im feelin at the moment.... (yes yes, i kno.. brainium aint a word....but i like it....its a merge of brain n cranium....aint i cleva eh eh? lol)....

well lets jus say theres a lot goin on up there (altho there isnt much capacity for much...as those who kno me well shud kno by now....lol)... but wat can i do....its jus thots are all jumbled up...emotions are flying everywher....n CHANGE....thats wats happening...n thats one thing im NOT happy abt!!! i dnt like change....dnt like it at all...its like...wen u get used to sum1 or sumthin....n then they jus kinda disapear (ahem)...its like aarrgghh...dnt want this to happen!!! but....its all abt qadr Allah...wateva happens happens cos He wants it to happen...we cant choose our fates....well... yes we can...but there are sum things wich we cant, ourselves, actually control.....like if ppl are gna cme in n outa ur life....its not anythin u can actually do to change such things....

its jus like... (im really sorry for actually puttin this ere...but its a thot...n its been buggin me...) i jus recently found out....that wen i'd gone 2 egypt..sum1 whos close...a good friend (NO, i HAVNT demoted u! grrr!)... really hated me....why??....well i understand the reasoning....cos i wasnt there....wen they needed me the most.... but at the same time... it was totally outa my control....i did choose to go egypt...but it was all qadr Allah that things happend the way they did... n now..this person's goin away...its been 2 mths since ive been back...things had gne bak 2 normal....but now..once again....change.... CHANGE!!!! aarrgghhh!!! ... but it has to happen....i understand why....and i guess all i can do is jus make duaa that wherever they are...wateva they do...that Allah watches ova them n reminds them that lil sis is makin duaa for em....that theyre safe n happy...n that inshaAllah i will see them again one day....not sure when...but inshaAllah soon....

till then...will miss u dearly... dnt kno hw much i appreciate everything....n dnt wory...will treasure those pearls of wisdom u gave me (if i remember em...lol...joke...i do remember em)

xBiGhUgZx

xxxxxxx

salaam....me tired....days been pretty tiring... woke up early... n helped mum around the house.... i dunno....days jus been hectic...n then went out to central london...so that jus kinda took it outa me i think... hmmm...plus it was well hot today...n we were on the bus...n had the sun in my face...oh well...

dunno.... think im jus thinkin too much maybe....or maybe im jus tired... yesterday felt well crap...but i think things are okay now...

watched maz's valima dvd 2day..lolz...that was..interestin...hmmm

neway...think im gna end ere..cant think

xxx

a few random thoughts for the day...

things hav been a lil weird lately...in wich way...im not too sure.... but it seems like ppl hav realised a change in me...rather than me realising it in myself.....cos truthfully...i didnt realise it till a few ppl mentioned it to me.... god..cant believe im bein like this!

the last few days hav been....well.... good...ive spent time wit ppl ive needed to spend time wit...cos i havent seen them in ages....n jus cos it felt like that was the right thing to do...n its made me appreciate the relationships i hav wit ppl...i dnt wana go round in circles....n i kno theres things i wanna say wich i cant on here..so im gna jus shutup....

ive had my laptop sorted...well not exactly....but its bein picked up on monday....n inshaAllah *fingers crossed* it'll get sorted!!!!....

ummm....hmm...

ok feelin sumwat shitty now... av i NEED to talk 2 u!

*gone*

woooooooooooah! i jus logged on2 this thingy today afta aaages...kinda been takin a break from the net...as well as jus avoidin usin the computer....it soooo does my head in!!!

soooo...who missed me??? ;) lolz... yeh rite like anyones gna miss ME!!

neways...these last few weeks have been a little up n dwn on the emotional rollercoaster.... really dnt hav words to describe or explain....n lets jus say...thers sum things i really wanna postpone for a little while...its toooo much tension and lack of sleep!! otha things alhamdulillah are a little more on the positive side... been goin gym n stuff...so its been good....

otha things... been thinkin a lot lately...n its still not 100% clear in my head.... its like i dnt kno why but i seem to b gettin overly on the edge by ppl n stuff... like really not knowin exactly wats goin on in my head..n then jus gettin reallllyyyyy annoyed wit myself...its so bloody frustratin there have been times wher ive wanted to bash my head against the wall....

otha things... hav made me realise a lot abt relationships....i dnt mean like love n stuff...but like friends n stuff... like ppl who u really regard as close to urself... like i dnt kno... been feelin a little distant to some...n a lot closer to others... i get annoyed wen ppl dnt understand me...but then a lotta the time...i dnt understand myself!!! its like ive got so much to say....n not enough words...or the mental capacity to fully make sense of wat it all really is.... but oh well...

neways... think im gna end ere...bein called dwn for lunch

ttfn....b bak later....

weneva that'll b

xxxxx