i need another holiday....

i wanna b anywhere but here...but at the same time..i'd rather be home than anywhere else...

does that make any sense watsoever?

oh who cares?

nothin makes sense anymore...or atleast at the moment...

jus feels like everything is everywhere..and im not sure exactly where im standing...

or if im standing at all...

its a limbo state...so maybe thats more floating?...lol...me n float? riiiiite....

cant remember wen it was, but chatted to S online...gud news...a lil one on the way inshaAllah... :) mashaAllah..happy for S...always wanted a kid...got broody even b4 i got to that stage!! didnt kno guys cn get broody! lool...oh well...im happy for em...hey im gna b an aunty....nooooooooo...i dnt like the thought of bein called "aunty"...mkes me feel old...eh who cares...i look 56 neway....

works been kinda stressful...well it was before i went off on holiday...Turkey! Istanbul!! :)...wenever ppl ask me how it was...im not too sure how to react...cos i dont really kno how it was...it was mixed feelings...like i think i was expectin a little too much...n it wasnt wat i was expecting...but then i didnt kno wat i was expectin in the 1st place...if tht mkes any sense at all??

the masaajid there were beautiful...altho a lot of them looked quite alike...the Blue Mosque isnt blue at all!!*shocked*... but was beautiful all the same..as was the Aya/Hagia Sofia (i can neva get tht rite).... the Cistern was wooooww...kinda eerie...cos it was like this underground water thing...but was really pretty...apart from the fact tht i was scared every step of the way in there..cos knowin me im so accident prone!! lol...alhamdulillah i didnt fall...but then no holiday is complete unless i fall...so i did...lol..ended up with a pretty painful bruise on the side of my foot...but hey..it was worth it...i fell gracefully..lol...cos it was like on a cobbled path downhill...i kinda fell n ended up layin on the floor! lol...my cushy tush might have saved me from the fall...but i was in a lot of pain after that!!!.... that was, alhamdulillah jus a coupla days before we came back :) ...

we saw quite a lot of things...i jus cant remember em al...there was the hippodrome...we went to the Asian side of Istanbul...took a tour on a horse and cart on one of the Prince's Islands...its soooo weird..cos once we sat on it...i had this flashback from Egypt wich i hadnt rememberd all this time...it was from Siwa wen we'd tkaen a coupla horse n cart type thingys...or was it one...i cant remember nw...to this really random place wich was infested with mosquitos...lol...but it was like a really pretty lookin river bank type place...n i think thre were loads of cats about too....so yeh...lol...that came to my mind.... we ate gianormous icecreams wich made me feel sick..and had a nice little meal as part of the tour sitting opposite 3italian dudes who made me laff by the things they were doin...apart from the time wen the one sittin opposite me was tryin to feed fish outside my window....grrr....!!

oh yeeh....me n maz had sum funny experiences with turkishh dudes...kept hearin "arab arab arab" being whispered not so quietly every time i'd walk past ppl...a lot of looks...i think appreciative ones..at my jilbabss...not at me...n loool...maz thinks this dude fell in love with me...lmao...he named me "flowers" pmsl...bless him..he was sweet tho...apart from the point where we were sat in the restaurant n he was standin behind mum n maz starin at me...booooyyy was tht uncomfortable!! :-S

anyway...we went on a cruise on the bosphorus...we missed half the guided tour...cos we didnt realise tht there was a tour..lol...n then went to the dolmabahce palace..wich was quite pretty...and...i cant remember wat else now...oh yehh....went to topkapi palace too...tht was pretty...it had sooo many differnt exhibitions...but we werent allowd to tke pics...there were things like Sultan's clothes n stuff...sum of em were gianormous!! i cud probably fit twice into some of em...n thats big!!...n then there were the holy relics...the teeth and beard of Rasul (saw) and Yusuf (as)'s turban...Musa (as)'s stick...Ibrahim (as)'s pot (or sumthin) and somethin tht belongd to Dawud (as) too..cnt remember nw...n oh yehh..there wre swords tht belonged to the sahaabah...wooowww...

i cnt remember anythin else now..

Saturday was Sal's mehndi..n Sunday was her wedding...i cnt believe shes married now :(...mashaAllah she looked so lovely though...lovely is an understatement, she looked gawjus mashaAllah!!... it was weird seein her all dressed up n stuff...but it was a lovely change...

things otherwise are k i guess...im sitting on an emotional rollercoaster at the moment...n im not too sure why...today has soooo not been a good day for me..ive been going mad abt things at work...gettin annoyed at people not doin things right...n then havin this one guy doing my head in for 22 mins abt a situation im not even aware of....it felt like i was goin round in circles and muy brain had become a complete mush by the time the conversation was over...i had to keep repeating myself to tell him that the issues he was talkin abt were things i couldnt personally deal with, and would have to be bought up with the worldwide HQ...and no matter how many times i would re-iterate this..he jus didnt want to listen!! n then they all say to me "why is it u always end up with the people who can talk for england!?" jus my luck i guess...

Zaynab came to see us today :) was sooo lovely seein her...shes off to Syria tomorro inshaAllah...i had missed her sooo much..jus that short period of time she was over...felt like she hadnt left....work isnt the same without her.... :(

i dont have much else to say apart from the fact that i am a little confused on some matters concerning a certain D.... i really dont know what to do...guess jus gta give it a lil more time n see hw things develop...i do miss D tho...its been 2weeks since we last spoke...D's in Dubai at the moment on holiday...but has been textin from there..so thts sweet...actually textin from a UK number...so its costin more!!...*feel guilty now* :(

better go...my bottom hurts now...and i beter get some sleep...work in the morning!!...

xxxx